Monday, June 19, 2006

My best friend told me to stay away from nineteen year olds. My sister actually told me that when I was fouteen and I didn’t pay much attention then. Damn me for not listening this time either. Cassy, if it’s any consolation you were right. Trouble is an understatement.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

umm, sorry, just needed to get that out of my system.

no, wait. cover up for a bit please.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sigh.

yeah, i'm done.

Right now I could spend a good bit of time just grumbling about boys...and I use the word very pointedly...all men are boys and I don't care how matured and menopausal they pretend to be.

sigh again.

And whichever idjit first said women can't keep secrets was a brainless dimwit. It's the males of any age between say twelve and a hundred and twelve who blab. Bloody indiscreet pigeons.

Ah well, I'm done grousing for now.

Somebody get me a gun.

ahem. fine. change of topic.

So...Last night I was telling this utterly adorable Jedi/Samurai/Vampire-Slayer I happen to know, that someday I should just write a book and call it A Day in the Life of a Fish. If I ever do, there'll be a whole chapter dedicated to earrings. Well, maybe just a paragraph. For you Dear Reader, here's the preview...

The art of extricating earrings from ears is a delicate one. Traditionally it is known to require intense concentration. However earrings have also been known to succumb to the gravitational attraction of the earth and mysteriously vanish from the ears. Inevitably this seemingly innocent phenomenon will have the most disastrous consequences possible. The fishy explorations in this matter suggests that it is part of the Ineffable Plan (to be referred to later as I.P) that
a) the laws of gravity will apply to only one earring while the other will remain ensconced in its place and
b) that the detached earring will fall in the most inconvenient place imaginable, usually a place where one is not supposed to have been at a given time, or for that matter at any time.

Practising the fine art of taking the damn danglers off is a good idea when going in for a shower (let's forget the fish analogy for a second please). Leaving them on the bed however is not quite the smartest thing to do. Forgetting to wear them again is of course an even worse idea. Especially if the bed does not happen to belong to the owner of the earrings. Or if the bed happens to belong to one who does not own any earrings at all. In fact, earrings on the bed are a bad idea all things considered. For one thing, they have been known to break. Into two irreparable halves. Thus leading to much fishy woe.

Chances are I'll never get the energy to write the rest of the book, so this paragraph stands as testimonial to the Babelfishian masterpiece that never will be.
Besides life is too good and far too indiscreet to be written about.
Which reminds me...
Gentle Reader, if you ever have a son (or indeed if you have one already) would you make it a point to teach the kid, How To Be Discreet.
Trust me it'll save the universe a lot of confusion later.

On the count of three...

sigh!!!!!!

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

filling in the blanks

been busy and missing for a while. the blog's been lying around like a little lost soul while i was roaming around like a little lost lamb. much gratitude is felt for those who still drop by the fish bowl. the fish promises to write at length, and soon.
for the moment
for those who really want to know...the fish has been and is happy as hell
for those who really want to know...the fish has been and is unhappy as heaven

Monday, June 05, 2006

Rule Nineteen is: Remember Never to Forget Rule One. And always ask yourself: How come it was created in the first place?

When it comes to Pratchett, Rule One is Do not act incautiously when confronting little bald wrinkly smiling men.

When it comes to the Babelfish, Rule One is way simpler.
Do not mess with this fish.
She doesn't get mad and she desn't get even.
She simply forgets.

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