With abject apologies to Tori Amos and heart-felt gratitude to Sandy for providing half the lines and *all* the funny bits...

Long long ago, in a land far far away there was a fish. To be precise a Babelfish.

Actually if we're going to be precise about this thing, I might as well state, it wasn't that long ago and it certainly wasn't far in the same way as Eccentrica Gallumbits of Eroticon 6 could be described as far off.

But there certainly was a B'fish. And she knew a not-sandy haired gentleman called, strangely enough, Sandy.

And on a certain night, at a certain hour (well 2.13 A.M. actually) when sane and sensible people should be in bed, sound asleep and hopefully dreaming of things with large tentacles and larger teeth, ze b’fiss and ze sandy had a conversation.
Which was, as these things tend to be, too funny not to be blogged about.
But which was also, inevitably a bit erm..ah..ahem, well y’know…
Let’s just say that the gentleman who on a certain occasion castigated me for not being a tad more considerate of the sensibilities of aged honorary relatives should go away right now if he doesn’t want a heart-attack. Also anyone who still thinks that the stork leaves new babies and that four letter words (or three letters words spelled as s-e-x) should be whispered in hurry, well if anyone like that should be reading this page, there’s a little button at the top extreme right with a cross sign on it, go for it!!
The rest may read on…

So there was the b'fiss, wasting time as only fishes from the joo know how to, on the computer well past witching hours and what-not with a status bar on gtalk which read...what if I’m a mermaid in these jeans of his…
Yeah random I know, so shoot me for it!

And out of the blue this little box popped up....

sandy : then his crotch wouldn't be of any use to you?
(Ladies, gentlemen and little kiddies who cannot be chased away by mere A ratings, I ask you, what an opening line?!)

b’fiss : (discreetly raises virtual eyebrows) why not?

sandy : (with an air of breaking the news gently) because it would look awkward; i don't think mermen have their equipment up front.

b’fiss : (hastening to explain all) nonono, i've got it all planned....dufus he wouldn't be a merman to begin with!

sandy : ah! (takes a moment of to let this sink in and ponder the possibilities) oh well...so is he a centaur in torn jeans?

b’fiss : (a little stunned at this lack of faith in the male members of the species homo sapiens) ordinary men would be too boring i suppose?

sandy : (decidedly) wouldn't be acceptable

b’fiss :(fishing for escape routes) he could be a man with a wooden leg called sam

sandy : no no...(in his most charming convincing tone) i mean...there must be an imbalance, part animal...i mean..if he was a centaur..then his jeans would have four legs...which then makes it ironic

b’fiss : (drily) why because i would only have one leg? or no leg?

sandy : yes! (then stops to think it over and lets loose his imagination) or...actually..he wished he had a tail to scour the seas..and you wished you could ride a horse!!

b’fiss : (slightly confused at this change of subject matter) butbutbut...this was something else bothering me...forget the merman's equipment...where does the mermaid, you know, get it off?

sandy : (pauses, wonders and launches off on new exciting explanation) so that's the great mystery that entices the centaur in, you know...one of those unanswerable questions...reasons why couples stick together....and he'll probably never find out....and they'll live happily ever after :)

b’fiss : (pauses at length to let *this* sink in) happily ever after on no sex? sandy, you're losing it man, slowly but surely! i mean, the assumption of every great romance is that the lovers die *before* the sex gets boring! there is no great love story based on no sex!

sandy : no...honestly...first of all there is taboo involved...a mermaid and a centaur! doesn't happen everyday, so..if they got together...it would be for a very brief instant and he'd be interested with the above mentioned...
and she'd be cherishin the moment...hahaha

b’fiss : i still don't buy it...brief instants are often enough to fit in a raunchy romp, so to speak

sandy : this isn't a great romance..but it has just the right ingredients to make a crappy one...and perhaps..if they do have sex...she'll turn into a woman...and he'll turn into a merman

b’fiss : nono

sandy : so..she'll be able to ride a horse...but not him..

b’fiss : her turning into a woman is fine, but i vote he stays a centaur, way more turning on!

sandy : and he'll scoot after all the other lovely mermaids, hehehe

b’fiss : yes except i think we have the same problem of missing equipment

sandy : i'm sure a mermaid would know where his equiptment is

b’fiss : yes, but it's just that after being a centaur this new merman would just die of frustration!!

yes well, we didn't reach much of a consensus on that one but at least it got me posting again *stretches virtually* it's good to be back in the blogsphere!