Thursday, August 02, 2007

Every day is an endless stream of cigarettes and empty dreams...

Dearly Beloved,
We have not been at home for a while. We have not been anywhere for a while, excet in office and/or in a stupor. We are alive, but only just so. There are parts of us which are irredeemably lost, but these being such minor inconveniences, the heart and such like, we do not regret the loss. At least not noticeably so. What we do regret is Leaving Home.
Home, which was a flat in Jadavpur, Kolkata. Small but beautifully done-up and always comforting. Home, which was a rather over-sized university campus, just across the road. With a pan-wallah who always took out two of my Special brand when he saw me crossing the road in the morning, ten minutes late for my first class. With a jheel, and corridors I'd practically slept on and certainly eaten off. With people (and dogs) I won't even talk about because I'd rather not start crying at this moment and I feel I'm well on my way already.
Home, which was, and will always be Kolkata.
I've lost count of the number of times any and all of these homes have made me clutch my head and tear my hair in despair. I've loved them and hated them. With equal fervour. And the reason I know Delhi will nver be home is becase Delhi leaves me cold. And this has nothing to do with the near-Arctic temperatures of my office. It's the place, the people...they're bleeargh. Someday I'll tell you horror stories of this place. For now let me resort to cliches. Home is where the heart is, or so they say. At this moment, my heart is fourteen hundred and sixty one kilometres away.
Dammit.

29 comments:

Anonymous said...

The song says it all. Hang in there...it is hoped that like the song, someday you too will be Homeward Bound.

J. Alfred Prufrock said...

I suspect your mother just left.

Much sympathy. I hate the few days I have to spend in Delhi. Except, of course, when I have good company (he hastened to add)

J.A.P.

Venting Macha said...

reality. ditto. hang in there...

Elendil said...

Never feel cold. Just remember that there are people here, back home, who still love you and think about you. And that will make a little warm nook in your heart. Stay in that nook. And come and visit.

JU misses you, Mighty BabelFish! *HUGE hug* Ps: The new juniors are a bunch of loons. WIsh you could see them. There's this one chap whose name, believe it or not, is Love. Well, Lav. And he's always wearing white. And they're all scared of the place and they run away after classes, and they're all non-smokers. (Not for long, i'm sure. :P) And now it seems strange being a senior, and I wonder how you feel, getting to know 4 batches of juniors and your own share of seniors. Ach, sorry if I'm making you feel old, I just wanted to regale you with stories of this happy place.

And remember! Home is where the heart is. Heart. *hug*

March Hare said...

JUDE misses you.
MISSES YOU.

And yes, I said the same thing that Prayag did, but does it matter?

Sukhaloka said...

Warmth is still here. It won't go away. And a part of that warmth is in you, so look for it.

I have to note, though, that you're writing the exact things I felt when I left Delhi to come to Kolkata in class 5. Bleh.

Elendil said...

I will write a line about you in my anthem for JUDE which I'm writing with my band and playing for the freshers this year. Something about slaying a Mon(o)ster.. :D

Anonymous said...

Aww. You poor thing. Hugs.

La Figlia Che Piange said...

Good to know you're alive, if not very well. Love to the Duchess. =)

Gee said...

awwwwwww..we miss you too. A LOT. *hugzzz*

Bone said...

and nobody told you i am a junior now. i'm a junior and you're not here :(

*sob*







(me being the erstwhile hyacinthgirl aka tinyblackcat aka idontrememberwhatelse.)

Acroyali said...

take care...

bhabchilam orkut'e aar dekhina keno...

kind of in similar shoes.

Dreamcatcher said...

You are missed muchly. Hope you are okay.

mojo said...

thou art missed...me sympathies!!totally relate to the panwalla bit:D

What's In A Name ? said...

Must say 'Some warm feelings'!!!!. coming from a cold-city.

That's what people feel moving outside Kolkata.
But the. Lifes moving on!

Krishanu said...

Best of luck...leaving home is hard. Must get mentally prepared for the same thing...

Poorna Banerjee said...

hang on.

Arindam said...

has delhi gotten any better then?

scorpionragz said...

MOM!!!!
remember me???
i MISS u!!!!!!!
*hug*
*sniff*
juniors are morons. they've RUINED THE BLAB!!! can u believe it???
waaaaaaaaaaah!!!
i don't wanna grow up!!!
come back mommy!!!

Unknown said...

hmm...same pinch?

Elendil said...

BFish? Its been months! Come out of blog-hibernation.

Anonymous said...

Time to return now isn't it?

-Mute/Dee

aRiJiT said...

Touch... n so true
a piece that makes u numb n stop n think..

the snake said...

reached here through next blogging...and the post reminded me of my initial days at delhi...nice post...

shakester said...

where art thou?

the blogger formerly known as vAgue

Jagjit said...

Sad to hear that. Delhi leaves you cold, I have felt that myself. The air is such. Wish you meet your heart sooner.

You write well.

Take care.

Unknown said...

lol..i actually felt exactly the same way..when i visited calcutta for the first time...a delhi boy myself..i hated cal with its muggy weather..weird pretentious people..and narrow streets..JUST HATED IT..got down at nizamuddin and thanked the lord above for being back in delhi..delhiites are rude crude and mannerless..but they are in your face straight..they will try to blatantly cheat you..no subtelty..but ill take that anyday than sweet deceptive lingo..

Elendil said...

It seems you are immensely popular amongst the Chines. Come of out blog hibernation for their sake if nothing else! :P

Anonymous said...

Your post is very beautiful, you reminded me of what i felt when i left university... good days and yes it felt home