Sunday, January 15, 2006

The b'fiss family bowl has recently been taken over by one nos. aunt, one nos. cousin and one nos. bride-to-be sister.

The aunt is the life and soul of the wedding party, never fails to mention that she has flown ten thousand miles for our sakes only and keeps reminding me that if I am to get married it must be after a minimum of four years and I am only allowed to pick a boy from the city. For those who know not the intricate details of our fishy lives my sister is getting married to a boy from Arambagh. Which is erm..somewhere in the state of Bengal, possibly in the district of Hooghly, but my geography being what it is, let's just say the place is a three hour drive from the city. The family has no inbred prejudices of course against anyone who should not chose to live in the very heart of the city but when it comes to a wedding it all gets very complicated. Right now our biggest worry is what time the groom will reach on the day of the wedding, there being just the faintest chance that he'll arrive at eleven at night when all the guests and possibly the bride as well have gone to sleep. The aunt is suitably traumatized at the thought of having to drive out three hours to attend the reception at Arambagh and every possible chance she gets she repeatedly urges me to ensure my life-mate lives on Southern Avenue but failing that anywhere within Calcutta or some major metropolitan city will do. Major arguments have arisen over this between the aunt and the father since the latter is currently insisting I marry either a Frenchman or an Italian or possibly a German. What I find most bewildering is this general insistence on my marriage given that I made it perfectly clear to the family from the time I was four and capable of constructing a grammatically coherent sentence that I was not getting married.

The cousin is presently giggling her way, somewhat hysterically, through her India trip. While the bfiss has never entertained the slightest doubts as to her ability to be entertaining, the cousin's sudden bursts of laughter are somewhat unnerving.

This ain't a fishbowl any longer it's a whirlpool.

After-thought : the difference between my cousin and me is when she's on the computer I very conscientously look the other way. whereas when I'm on the computer if she happens to be in the same room, she will, without fail look over my shoulder. I'm exceptionally fond of the kid, she's a year younger than me and one of those bherry nice types but this is a killer.
And since one reader athas questioned my love for my aunt, I have a minor clarification. This is the one aunt I actually like. Well one of three at least. Then again, family luuurbh is always on the border of love-hate-and-kill-yourself-before-I-kill-you.


Blogger Dreamcatcher said...

Awww you have my sympathies. My entire lot of aunts have already decided the menu at my wedding not to forget the saris i'll wera, the saris they'll wear blah blah.
weddings are crazy and lots of fun.
its awesome to witness the family circus in full flow. have lots of fun and come back with many a tale to spin.
maybe you'll see some cute guys..

2:45 PM  
Blogger panu said...

well, at least YOU did not get a suitor sprang on you one evening as you came back from college, sitting and drinking cha and Hide-n-Seek biscuits and making unnerving comments upon Hamlet (I mean, come on, You are studying for FRCS, Right?? Why the hell Do you need to know Hamlet by heart???)

I swear, It was the loss of the biscuits... I broke into giggles (and You may be reminded of your cousin, but here it was sheer defence).

It resulted in me getting selected (ACTUALLY SELECTED) for the Possible Bride!!!!!


I just FAIL to understand this mess!!

5:14 PM  
Blogger Pip Squeak said...

The rather boring descriptions of weddings and your personal feeligns aside, your sister must be marrying a loser. Is this an arranged marriage? If so, she's got to be crazy....

And your aunt seems like the perfect bitch.( This comment stems from the assumption i gathered from nuances in your post that you can't stand your aunt. Please correct me if I'm wrong.)

5:38 PM  
Blogger satchisgod said...

Gisting above (not my words ie)...obnoxious bitchy aunt, Arambagh's murgi (thus the loser, I presume) aka bridegroom...getting married to whom has to be your loony, may I add...a spasmodically hilarious and overcurious cousin...tut-tut...

1:47 AM  
Blogger Ron said... uncle got married to someone who lived in Ranaghat (or soem such place) and the bor jatri there was neverending...what with bad roads and tremendous khide and July heat and everything it was not a very happy borjatri that arrived 4 hours later...I can totally understand your aunts concerns. Nijer belaye Southern Avenue bhalo bujhle...* beats a hasty retreat*

12:38 PM  
Blogger babelfish said...

dreamcatcher : An indian wedding by any other name would still be a circus...but fun it certainly is :D

apnu : if you were ACTUALLY SELECTED as you put it, why haven't we been invited to your wedding yet?!!!

pippy : hmm...lots of questions; answers follow :
No, the boy is not a loser.
No, this marriage is not arranged.
No, my sister is not crazy.
And NO my aunt does NOT deserve such profanities from an abnormal young squeaker such as yourself.
Fond as I am of you, and entertaining as your comments are,pippy I seem to remember telling you any form of abuse directed at my friends or family will not be tolerated.
I assume you stand corrected my dear, and my apologies if my narrative fails to scintillate your imagination and rid you of your ennui :D

satchisgod : *sigh* aunt is not as described; my heart bleeds at the thought of having misrepresented her. Still since you be merely gisting, let me merely echo you, tutut!!!

ron : hasty retreat and all unnecessary, I shall reiterate *in suitably condescending manner* what I have often said from the time I was four, I am not getting married.
after-thought : erm, if I should change my mind, I think Southern Avenue na holeo, shohorer bairer gramer chhele hobe na
*sheepish grin*

6:46 PM  
Blogger Prerona said...

why not getting married? :(

8:10 PM  
Blogger jaded said...

hello, you seem to be having an interesting time! Sigh...weddings are so much fun.I love them.
And if you do change your mind, let me tell you saltlake has (some) good looking guys too, so you might consider looking here!;-)
Enjoy the sister's wedding

11:13 PM  
Blogger Casablanca said...

Okay, this post was totally hilarious! Literally laughing out loud, which isnt a good thing, given that I'm in office!!

Okay okay... lemme stop laughing. But pliss to continue with such interesting descriptions of wedding house. I am very much liking to read this stuff :D

1:30 PM  
Blogger hdpal said...

“from the time I was four and capable of constructing a grammatically coherent sentence that I was not getting married.”

Is it because you have something against marriage as a concept?


You knew from that tender age that the world surely couldn’t possibly churn out someone worthy enough?

8:53 PM  
Blogger panu said...

As I was ACTUALLY SELECTED, I refused marriage because

1. I won't marry a person who knows MY SUBJECT (and yes, after 3 years of It, I do consider it to be mine... all mine!!) more than I do.

2. Since 'I' was selected, I seriously doubted the sanity of the being they were trying to marry me off to, and realized that in a family 1 loon is enough.

3. He was too thin, and you know, I just WANNA be on top sometimes...

10:33 PM  
Blogger "sen"sational said...

to pipsqueak, why would the guy be a loser...just because he stays at arambagh?? that is SO metropolist i say!! ( u know...racist?? metropolist??)

11:48 PM  
Blogger Freaky Chakra said...

well, u might try reading some Saki... he had a thing for aunts you know.

Not derogatory or anything... but i guess u'd like it! Anyhow, do lemme know how it went! :)

11:51 PM  
Blogger J. Alfred Prufrock said...

I notice that your milk of human kindness sloshes over even for the most obnoxious twerps. Commendable. Or just plain daft.

But I do agree with your hypothesis in the previous post, to wit, that the world would be much better given more cuddles. Especially if there are Very Small Persons available for said cuddles. But then there would also be Mayavatis and Rush Limbaughs ... hmmm, perhaps we should re-consider the hypothesis.


1:01 PM  
Blogger M (tread softly upon) said...

I miss Indian weddings primarily because of the throngs of relatives who gather and provide endless amusement. And going for bor jatri or koney jatri on a long long trip on horrible country roads is such a pain. But then....the whole wedding deal is a package. You take it. Have fun!

8:06 PM  
Blogger Sphinx said...

ur posts are damn funny...
i have kept mondays aside for reading your posts since you seem to update just about once a week which is simply not fair since we hunger for all the comedy that you are subjected to. It gives us a sense of purpose in our miserable lives. The mondays.

11:22 PM  
Blogger babelfish said...

preronadi : *bherry sheepish grin* emni, biye korte chai na, ekta already korechhi!

jaded : thank you darling, enjoying myself immensely and I shall keep your salt lake specific advice in mind :D

casablanca : awww, so sweet you eej, so flattered I am..utter mayhem at home is currently keeping me from wedding posts but there's good stuff being mentally archived for future posts :D

hdpal : *bows to the brilliant deducer* bingo! there's just one b'fiss :D

panu : ah..I see *sage nodding of head*

"sen"sational : I agree!!!! You are SO right, let's kill all the metropolists, kill 'em I say!

freaky chakra : ahem. Saki. Yes. Well. The thing is, if you mean the Saki I think you mean, I read his complete works about ten years back. Having got that out of the way let me say
a) thank you for comment and
b) Saki on aunts, or rather Reginald or Clovis on aunts is brilliant. But if we're talking aunts do you remember the story of *Sredni Vashtar*? erm, aunt aint *that* bad :D

2:42 PM  
Blogger babelfish said...

jap : *shuffles mental feet, hangs head much mebarrassed, voice as tall as an ant* daft is right...
But we shall reconsider hypothesis when I come up with my evil world domination plans, for the moment let's cuddle the world!!!!!

m *tread softly upon) : lots and lots of fun! lots and lots of posts coming up! :)

sphinx : awww *blush, grin, more blush* you eej the too sweets. Mega floored I am, thank you sooooo much :D more posts coming up soon :D

2:45 PM  
Blogger Pip Squeak said...

babel: Which is exactly why i asked you the question, whether any of these assumptions had any basis at all......

sensational: just my random loose tongue. Generally, these village people are kind of backdated....... unless they have regular city exposure....

7:44 PM  
Blogger babelfish said...

pippy : thik achhe bachha, just let it be.

10:33 PM  
Blogger Freaky Chakra said...

hey babel... glad u had Saki (every1 outta read him). Hey, maybe tht's y u r still so appreciative abt ur aunt!! :D hehe!

Nyhow, keep posting!

8:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

update update *chants like protestors in a demonstration*

10:25 PM  
Anonymous vague said...

where you
didi shaadi huh?

4:24 PM  
Blogger Sayan Chakraborti said...

Southern Avenue nibashi patro chai? I'll let you know as soon as I get hold of one...

10:25 PM  
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11:28 AM  
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11:43 AM  

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