Sunday, January 08, 2006

Act I :

cassy (standing at the threshhold of that sacrosanct space of the don of all Judean times, the Head's room; earnest, serious, polite) : sir, may I come in?

don c (with all the (cor)leonine gruffness of the original Vito ) : no!

exit cassandra.

[the story is told with much anguish to the babe(l)fish who on realizing a week later that she has to visit the head for some work feels suitably petrified]

Act II :

b'fiss (standing at the same place; wide eyed innocence radiating from voice, also slight element of breathlessness) : sir, may I come in?

don c (benignly) : yes.

*b'fiss does mental dance of jubilation, steps into room, walks up to desk, ignores feeling of solidly muscular and boney knees changing to jelly like consistency and instead focuses on fluttering eyelashes to full effect*

don c (stern voice of judgement) : biye bari jachho? *off to a wedding?*

b'fiss (looks left, looks right, feeling overwhelmingly panic-stricken and mutters) : eh?

don c (raises eyebrow of stern judgement) : eto sheje guje keno?! *why are you all decked up?*

b'fiss (looks down at self, grapples to understand the import of the question, looks up at don, sinks back into stupidity in the face of eyebrow of doom and repeats) : eh?!

don c (looks fiss up and down, mutters ) : oh na, shawl-ta dekhe mone holo *no, the shawl misled me*

short while later, exit babelfish.

Thereafter had anyone been present on the corridor outside the room they would have been treated to the sight of the babelfish taking off her shawl to reveal semi-tattered jeans and fairly non-descript kurta and staring at shawl for all of five minutes.
It was a nice shawl. But there was absolutely nothing about it which suggested I was decked out for a wedding!

If anyone assumed that the Head of the Department of English at JU, like Principles of schools and Abbots of well, abbeys occupied the sort of exalted position where appointments have to be obtained well in advance to catch a glimpse of the glorious being, such an anyone would be dead off the mark. The best place to catch a glimpse of the man is at the canteen. Actually it's not quite the best place going by prevalent definitions of best, since my reaction usually is, damn, he's there, oooh, he's hot, aargh, hide fag!!! Finding him is easy. It's the next part where people generally discover that they've finally reached the top of the minaret but the stairs have mysteriously vanished. Put it simply, the don is unpredictable.

These days however gone is that look of joyful delight at the misery of hapless students and he looks merely weary of the world in general and the department in particular. So much so, that the last day I went to badger him into giving me the optional I wanted, he looked so tired and forlorn I actually just handed him the application letter and left instead of making a general nuisance of myself as I would've on other occasions. It's just that he was sitting there looking deluged with work and my instinctive reaction was to wish I could pick him up, croon over him and cuddle him for a bit and then pat him on the head and put him back.

embarrassing silence.

yes well...
I know everyone who actually knows the man I speak of is probably wishing they hadn't read that last bit but that's what I felt. And there was no disrespect meant, I feel the same about my parents these days what with all the pressure they're under with the wedding in all of two weeks and the bride and groom missing and the bride's sister being utterly unhelpful. Maybe the world would just be a happier place if everyone was crooned over and patted more frequently.

In conclusion, the fiss's recipe for world peace : cuddle the world!

coming up soon *never mind how soon* : the fiss's plans for world domination and why she is better off as a super villain rather than as a super hero(ine)!


Blogger Srin said...

Haha, I was walking around the corridor the other day and he said, "gaan gaichhile?" randoml, ki bolbo, kemon random.

9:16 PM  
Anonymous disktop said...

Our head always says eeeshah!!! and shakes his head. Even if he agrees with what you're saying. And he mumbles to himself in the canteen, taring at the same point on the wall everyday.

9:25 PM  
Blogger Teleute said...

that is good recipe.

11:13 PM  
Blogger poekly said...

exactly wat i ws thinking teleute!! :D

Anyhow, the indibloggies are up for voting. Iam doing my bit in spreading the word... it's an award for the best indian blog sites. For regular bloggers there are quite a few familiar names. So happy voting.

Last date for voting is 10th jan. Visit-

12:32 AM  
Blogger poekly said...

& ps: sorry babel for hijackin ur blog for "spreading" the word! But jus doin my bit by "spreadin" the word on the "popular" blogs! ;)

12:34 AM  
Blogger satchisgod said...

Sadist teachers, ah, what would the world be without them. I get to hear the mashtarmoshai-s, oi, gram-er dikey...tenarao kichu kom jaan na.

Btw, if you've seen the movie The Wall, the (in)famous teacher is actually domineered by his wife at home and he takes it out on the kids. So I've this theory that all sadist profs have tyrannical bou's at home. Thus, thy cuddle theory might actually be a very good one.

My 2cents:D

7:40 AM  
Blogger Pip Squeak said...

You'll never make a super villain my dear, not with fluttering eyelashes. Not with stutters, nor with the confused self you portrayed yourself as in the aloo's office.
Try to practice sardonci grins, or mocking smiles, or evil looks. Wake up in the morning, look at the mirror, try to look evil and spell out E. V. I. L.

They work wonders. Take that from a veteran.

8:06 AM  
Blogger Ron said...

I wonder how the man in question would react to being picked up and crooned to..or even to the fact that you were contemplating it...interesting thought eh!!??

2:27 PM  
Blogger "sen"sational said...

umm... just thought i would share this - we (me and 2 of my friends) had a question to ask him about our optionals...he was wandering through the corridoor....and we got hold of him near the dl and asked him the question...and he remained quiet and continued his walk towards his office.... i mean utterly absolutely quiet...and we were so confused and didn't know if he had heard us or not...and started following him...and he did not say a word...did not even glance at us to acknowledge our presence.....and we still folowed sheepishly....and it was only after we had followed him into his office (with confused, quizzical looks on our faces...we thought he was pissed with us or he had not uttered a word) that he proceeded to sit down and treat us to a 15 minute lecture about our optinals....weird that man... i tell u.... and the thought of cuddling and crooning over him ... aaaargh....
p.s. to satchisgod, the don's wife happens to be my mom's friend... and she is not at all the tyrannical type....

12:00 AM  
Blogger Unjustified Insanity~~ said...

@ bably -- amazing, way better than Shakespeare anyday :D

@ pip -- uhh........ you == evil?? (ROLLING ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING xD)

4:10 PM  
Blogger monku said...

hahahaha,hes so funny ! *not in a disrespectful manner* its good to have people like him around, like 'real' people.

8:30 PM  
Blogger "sen"sational said...

Please visit my blog -

1:10 AM  
Blogger rainbeau_peep said...

Why just the other day Don insisted that i acknowledge this thing of darkness [a greasy yellow face-towel lying on the corridor] as mine. I voiced my protest of course, but he said circumstantial evidence pointed to it being either me or Squee, since we were at a spot closest to the victim [aforementioned towel] when he happened to chance upon all three of us. The man ... i say ... leaves me in spasms of wonder.

7:53 AM  
Blogger Rimi said...

now my story! well, i was generally lounging in the vicinity when people were badgering tintinda for graphic novels, when Don C comes around, stops stone-still for two minutes, then glares at me and says: oto adda marchile keno?
and walks off.

also, overheard yesterday. an E.V.I.L. senior telling a first year: if you want drama in practice, go speak to the head. he and (prof offering drama in practice) are very good friends. let the fireworks begin!

1:22 PM  
Blogger Pip Squeak said...

UI: Dude, you barely know me.....

8:59 PM  
Blogger Soumik said...

well, there was this first year i don't personally know. i was hanging round the fornt of his room with somnath and aritro, when she comes in and sheepishly starts questioning smnath bout the optionals. so we promptly direct her to swapanda. she peeps in, then hesitates before deciding to wait till alal and tintinda is out of the room. well after a while she finds they have no plans of coming out and walks in only to find the don c walking out. she stops him in fornt of hois own door and asks him where the sign up sheet for the optionals is. he looks at her mumbles something which she fails to catch. so she asks again. she looks her up and down, tells her to go look in the refrigerator, and walks out. poor thing, she even looked in the fridge.

10:43 PM  
Blogger "sen"sational said...

HA HA HA HA......(for soumik's comment)

11:33 PM  
Blogger panu said...

"...coming up soon *never mind how soon* : the fiss's plans for world domination and why she is better off as a super villain rather than as a super hero(ine)!..."

Comment: Yep.. I can see it Now... Evil fiss trying to dominate the world by cloning gazillions of like-minded females who want to cuddle all the gits of the world till they beg for mercy... and then croon to them till they go out of their minds... Yep.. I can see THAT coming!!

12:30 AM  
Blogger Illusionary said...

oh..these comments were delicious!!!excellent post.And though i have had very few such experiences with the Don myself,a recent one would be...
he:*doesnt hear me*
me:ami Oxford e peyegechhi
he:ki peyegechho?
me:sir, admission
he:oh,tai bolo.

11:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

lovey comments,
@soumik- poor girl, shud have helped her, kid is ignorant
@rimi-oh senior evil indeed!
b'fish--villian? y sudenly so amibitiuos?
(never mind typin mistakes, too lazy to correct em)


11:31 AM  
Blogger rogue said...

nono we did help her. but at that point we were too busy laughing as she kept rummaging the fridge. and then tintinda came promptly outta the room, barely keeping his laughter in check. the don is really smthn!

4:10 PM  
Blogger A Hairy Snail said...

I liked the "about me" part in the profile... Did you know Richard Feynman used the exact same lines?

Anyways, waiting for those world domination plans...

1:05 AM  
Blogger babelfish said...

srin : one wouldn't put it past you to randomly stroll the corridors singing, you cute thing you :D

disktop : *eeeshah* eh?!!

teleute : tried it yet? :)

poekly : I bow in the face of flattery, alas I ain't popular enough :D

satchisgod : 2cents much appreciated and except in the case of this particular prof you theory and herefore my recipe probably holds good :)

pippy : I quail in silent terror in the face of such E.V.I.L. advice from the veteran, bet you can't do evil laughter like I can though...heh-heh-heh!

ron : my thoughts are always interesting :D

"sen"sational : weird that man yes, but in a brilliant way...thanks for the lovely lovely comment but I am now somewhat nervous about this connection between the don and you...erm cuddly blog posts are not to be relayed to mothers right?!! :D

UI : I melt in the face of such unstinted praise :D

monku : I know what you mean sweetie, tis always nice to see him around and about :)

rainbeau : I shudder at the thought of your innocence thus being much could he ever think that a yellow face-towel *and a greasy one too* could belong to you?!!!

rimi : riotous laughter at story, more E.V.I.L. laughter at the thought of fireworks :D

soumik : teehee, brilliant story!!

panu :'ll just have to wait for my world domination plans won't assured they be nothing like the most entertaining one you came up with :D
butbutbutbutbut surely you wouldn't be calling our beloved head of the department a git?!!!

illusionary : the comments were better than the post really, and well done on the Oxford thingy...*wild applause*

herenow : too lazy to sign in as well I see :D Bud why can the I not be the villain huhuhuh? *pout*

quincy : I guess when quoting people one admires tremendously one should be careful to state specifically that it's a quote but I thought everyone would know...mimblewimble...thanks for visiting, do keep visiting and commenting and we'll see about those w.d plans :D

6:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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11:43 AM  

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