Friday, May 26, 2006

The pheesh has the phevaar. To be frecise, the fever haf the fish. And while the fish was lying in delirious throes with a fevered brow and wotnot she was treated to much sympathy from her friends. Of course when I say friend, while I might not mean fiend, I mean something not far from it. Read on for choice snippets from the self-scripted play, Sympathy for the Fish...

Scene One :

babelfish : I'm ill and weak and dying.

sympathetic-fiend : Ki hoyechhe?

fissy : Jor! Shordi!! I'm forbidden chilled stuff for practically the rest of summer!!!

Unexpected interlude of unsympathetic silence on messenger which stretches to the next day.

sympathetic-friend-continues-on-phone : Well, I was working. And I thought oh, she'll survive. You just had to factor in all the awws and shaat shaat.

*i'm factoring in a lot of things mistah. grrowl.*

Scene Two :

sympathetic-senior-citizen-who-shall-not-be-named-because-he-is-much-respected-blogger : Abaar shorir kharap keno?

babelfissy : shorir kharap mane cold :(

respected-senior-citizen-whose-sympathy-is-grieviously-suspect : dhyatt

babelfissy : ???

evidently-unsympathetic-senior-citizen : You should have a mysterious wasting sickness.

*yes saar, as soon as i can manage to get wasted saar.*

Scene Three :

concerned voice over phone : Ki hoyechhe?

Babel repeats same old story

concerned-voice-promptly-changes-to-wickedly-grinning-voice : Hneehnee, and *what* have you been up to?

Yes well, there are those who think that fever and a fearful cold are poetic justice and divine retribution for the fish's complete avoidance of studies over the past month.
To which ze fiss has this to say : yeeeeargh!!! (and you can factor in the tongue stuck out)

And finally to add to all the phisshy misery the sister has returned home. Which is not to imply that I do not love the sister muchly. She is the jewel of my eye and wotnot. But, I kinda draw the line at her coming home. For one thing, she has the knack of coming across things I would ideally not have her come across. Sigh, I might as well tell you the story of my final woe...

This afternoon, while I lay nursing one pillow, one glass of warm milk and one bad temper the sister did a conspiratorial crawl across the bed and whispered to me in as conspiratorial and concerned and elder sisterly a voice as my gentle reader would care to imagine, "bably, why was there a packet of condoms in the back of your cupboard?"

To be honest, I did toy momentarily with the idea of giving her the catchline of buladi ads or alternately informing her that the parents must have decided two kids was two too many for them to handle. But then I stuck to the safe story and explained to her how I'd been handed these packets at an HIV-AIDS awareness workshop I'd attended in college.
And Dear Disbelieving Reader of mine, for once I freely confess I was not lying.
Yes well, there are times when I shock myself by telling the truth.

All in all then, tis a sad life but there are the occasional bright spots. Today, for example, I got this one line in the mail from a dearly beloved source, who wishes in the hallowed tradition of magazine help columns to withhold his/her name, address and gender here.
Read and decipher this if you can Oh Gentle Reader,
"Seat no 15 man middle aged, cheating on his wife with his secretary two children and one cat.."


Blogger The Alluder of Alliterations said...

you had me scandalized by the post
i would have expected used ones strewn all around.. not unused ones in a cupboard

9:10 PM  
Blogger Casablanca said...

Condoms stored at the back of the cupboard? And they have workshops and wotnot to educate you'll, and you will still refuse to use them? Tsk tsk :p

9:27 PM  
Blogger Freaky Chakra said...

auww, get well soon! :) *sincere sympathetic drawl complete a angle-head nod*

hope that makes u feel better! :)

12:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ae, you are a fish, how did you catch a cold? I mean, you are supposed to be in water all day long and so you are supposed to be used to it.

Very bad fishy qualities. You are a disgrace to fishes. :-)

9:03 AM  
Blogger Teleute said...

what brand of condoms?

and i have already expressed my sympathies. but still some more. :)

11:37 PM  
Blogger panu said...


*scratches head, trying to grasp faint flickering elusive memory, for she is very bad at remembering things proper*

If I am not mistaken, you were sick also during the holidays.. or was it before exams?? Well in normal case shaat shaat would have been my appropriate choice of reply to this post, but *ahem* since you have been seen at Kaatfaaata roddur in Milanda, and traipsing all round JU, not heeding well-wishers warnings of getting sick, lets just say you should revert to uchhe sheddho.

1:50 AM  
Blogger babelfish said...

alluder : my dear, you are young yet; eventually you will learn that it is good to keep extra erm stocks in hand...observe noah, who kept a well-stocked ark...

casa : tsktsk, read above reply, it might soothe your mind...or not :D

freaky : better, much better :)

bhooter raja : it's a dry cold; we fishes get it from the air bubbles that are created in the jheel every time you do that bengachhi thing with the flat're responsible for my cold, you evil bhoot!!

teleute : nirodh, did you expect any better from an nss workshop at the joo?

panu : i understand and appreciate all the love and concern and value you greatly for it but please woman do not mention uchhe shedhho...not before the mother at least!!!

3:09 AM  
Anonymous Ph said...

Order of business: Drop unsympathetic friend. Drop something cold and hard on senior citizen type person. Keep condoms. SO much more useful. (For when you get better of course).

3:18 AM  

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