Saturday, March 18, 2006

I signed on to orkut a while back to find this 'teaser' from some random stranger : for someone so adorabel how can you be single?
Deep breath. Right. That sentence should tell you why I’m avowedly single on orkut.
I didn’t bother suggesting to the sender that he should go get himself a word processor but just opening my mail and finding that message sparked off this whole feeling of mutiny and rebellion and unpleasant-ish memories. By now I've figured there's some nascently malignant force at work whenever people sign onto messengers or chat forums.

As a brilliant example of slow murder of the english language this is the transcript of an amazing conversation I had with a complete stranger over yahoo once. Let’s call the man tb, not just because he was as unwanted as tuberculosis but because it’s the abbreviation of his name. Read on…

TB : Hw R U?

*bfiss momentarily confused, since she knows no man/woman or extra-terrestrial creature by the name of TB, remains silent*

TB : wAZZup wid u?

*bfiss continues to be silent and confused*

TB : what U R up to?

*confusion has gone for a walk, to be replaced by slight annoyance; profound silence continues though*

TB : I think U r not in a mood of....... wid me..

*slight annoyance blooms into severe irritation and quells the deep desire to remain silent*

bfiss : I don't know you.

TB : Mera naam Ting Tong Buzz hai.19/m

*m? what’s m? male/married or is he just 19 metres tall? bfiss resolutely ignores rising curiosity and continues in frigid tones meant to repel*

bfiss : L,ook knowing someone's name is not the way to know someone. I honestly don't have time to spend chatting with strangers I don't know. I would appreciate it if you quit messaging me.

TB : Thanks 4 UR advice but really I was MAD 2 chat wid U. som times can I give U wishes{dat only eys remainin wid me} cn I?I will not msg U unnesserily,OK

*who? what? whose eys remain with him?*

TB : so just leave UR 1 msg 4 me Bye.............................Gud Nite....sweet dreams,,,,,,,,,,

*just when you think, phew, good riddance, five minutes sixteen seconds later*

TB : PLEZ LAST MSG{ABOUT ''can I wish U?''}DEN PROMISE I'LL NOT NEVER DISTURB u

bfiss : What the fuck. I said I dont have the time for this. I dont think you're someone I'd ever want to chat with. Let me put it this way...I have a huge problem with people who cannot write a coherent sentence in English and insist on using inane sms short forms even when it takes a few extra seconds to be coherent. Suggestion : learn English. Then try to speak to complete strangers. Byebye.

TB : F''' ''' K u .gOOD BYE

*and the bfiss is left grinning and wondering what prompted such ire in the man. Of course these people never give up, so even after such a dramatic exit, next day there's an offliner announcing…*

TB : SORRY...............! 4 YESTERDE'S DIDS, 4RM 2DE I'll NEVER DISTURB u ,OK BYE

What does one say after this? English is dead, long live english perhaps.

14 Comments:

Anonymous grayday said...

Unfortunately, TB is probably a graduate of the US public school system. English is becoming a second language here, and grammar and spelling have been lost. Good to know English survives somewhere in the world!

Nice post - thank you

2:37 AM  
Blogger Deepali said...

ugh msn/sms lingo. UGH!

Or the main structure of sentences around 'like' 'totally'and 'hawt'.No.It.Is.Not.Hawt.[and it is H-O-T not H-A-W-T]

I wouldn't ask them to stick to hindi either though[sounded like he might speak it.The abused version. You know the
'Apun' 'ayla'[or what it is really] 'ich' version which is NOT smooth, never will be.

I don't like languages being battered as shamelessly as this.

Stupid stupid kids. When did sounding like you never had the chance to go to school become in?
If you had the good fortune of having had an education then why can't you sound like it?!

Grrrrrrrrrrrrr

10:50 AM  
Blogger Unjustified Insanity~~ said...

hy bblfss hwz lf ? ?
i hp r u bhri phne
i m phne tengu.
i lk ur log nd ws hppy tu c tht u hv mt my frnd BT
hs nm is nt TB bt BT ok!
bt u md me bhri sd . y dd u ignr my gud budi BT
he is gud gy
bhri hundchoom
u shld sy sry tu him ok!
lts of laabh
anjistfaid oonchunity

3:25 PM  
Blogger Dreamcatcher said...

My favourite - I wants to make friendship with u.

4:11 PM  
Blogger Freaky Chakra said...

Hmmm... the adventures of Babel aunty on Yahoo messenger continue :D

*runs away scared fearing "shock-and-awe" treatment after callin fissy, aunt on her blog*

4:25 PM  
Blogger herenow said...

i want to make frendships with you types again!

7:17 PM  
Blogger A Hairy Snail said...

Ha Ha. Was the F-word spelt properly atleast?

12:16 AM  
Blogger Sphinx said...

*shifts around uncomforably*
I have a confession to make.
My real name is... Tai Tong Buzz.


*dramatic silence ensues*

'can you repeat the question?'

blop.

p.s.- the above comment was the result of a sugar rush.

10:59 AM  
Blogger Casablanca said...

And that, my dear, is the reason, I'm NOT on orkut or friendster or any of these I-want-to-know-you thingies. I hardly find time to chat with people I know, how do these irritating strangers expect me to talk to them??!!

11:17 AM  
Blogger panu said...

Poor Babel.. Do not worry overmuch, someday, this will be brought to God's notice.

7:48 PM  
Blogger babelfish said...

grayday : Well, if we're talking about English in America, I must quote the one and only Henry Higgins...There are even places where English completely disappears,
Why, in America they haven't used it for years.
But I shudder to think what Higgins or Shaw for that matter would have to say if confronted by one of the products of our system. Thank you for commenting. I hope you visit again :)

dee : I've actually known stark raving loony idiots from good schools who thought abusing english was a way of proving their command over the language and the overwhelming extent of their coolness. In short they thought the badder their english the more-er girls being pataod. Losers. I echo your sentiments down to the last rrrr :D

ui : you bachha, should shut up and dunk your head in the ju jheel. Ain't you the one who used to spell his display name as unjusitified insanity?!!!

dc : hehe, have you ever come across gems like, can we friends or better still would you like to join me as friend

freaky chakra : fissy has fainted. if fissy stops blogging one of these days you are to consider yourself responsible *smoke coming out of ears*

herenow : like pond scum they keep resurfacing :D

quincy : nope. the bugger having abused the language to hell and back grew all modest over the f-word and spelt it exactly thus F''' ''' K :D

sphinx : ooh, you're back from abusing other planets and what not! Nothing unfortunately is convincing me that you're T.B. Not after that sexy template your blog has :D

casablanca : ei, not only are you not on any of those thingys, you don't even accept gtalk invitations from the perfectly harmless and only marginally irritating and strange babelfish :(

panu : *conspiratorial whisper* Which god?!! I'm not sure the god of hangovers would be any use here, for example. And most of the thirty three crore whose names I don't know seem better with their weapons than their words :D

2:08 AM  
Blogger Unjustified Insanity~~ said...

it took months before people realized that i had spelt my name as unjusitified.......xD

4:36 PM  
Blogger babelfish said...

no dude, it didn't take months. I noticed the first time I saw your username. The joys of being used to proof reading :D

11:02 PM  
Blogger soumik said...

babblez canz wes bez frenz?
harrrff harrff.

1:05 AM  

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