Saturday, March 11, 2006

I've been tagged by the once beloved cassandra and since cribbing, ignoring and outright refusing to complete the tag hasn't worked here goes.
Presumably the point of this exercise is that someday prince charming or the green-golden-hearted-ear-wax-filled version of him will drop by my blog and on reading this list will promptly realize I am the woman of his dreams and then apply the Ickenham process virtually. Of course there's also a fair chance that there is absolutely no purpose to this little tagging exercise. And more importantly that any overtly suspicious prince charming trying too much waggling is likely to get a sharp kick right where it hurts. That said I should add that people with easily offended moral sensibilities should probaby hum a little tune and head for the exit, right about now.

Eight reasons why I would want to spend the rest of my life with one man :

1) He should be drop dead gorgeous. Well, maybe not drop dead but most certainly gorgeous enough to make me drop my jaw. In case anyone feels inclined to comment that beauty is only skin deep this is where I echo Pratchett, as if a man ever fell for an attractive pair of kidneys...and...They said they wanted a soulmate and helpmeet but sooner or later the list would include a skin like silk and a chest fit for a herd of cows. Going by the same rule, this fiss demands a handsome hunk.

2) Having said that I shoul clarify I'm not demanding tall, dark and handsome. Just handsome does fine. I don't even insist on add-ons like brawn and brains. A football-toned body is a wonderful thing of course and brains are terrific in blocking the direct passage of sunlight through the ears but my focus is exclusively on good looking. In fact, tall is not good. I want that comfortable sort of height where I don't have to stand on tiptoes to kiss him.

3) I'm perfectly cool with all socially defined vices, hell I don't think my perfect man would be uptight about smoking, drinking or doping but the one point where I draw the line is promiscuity. I've just met too many men who think nothing of cheating on their girlfriends/wives and while I'm not self-righteous or pompous enough to take it on myself to sit in judgement over them since this is an idealistic list of perfect values and what not, trust is important. And fidelity.

4) More importantly though, he shouldn't play golf. This is a dead no. Primarily because I don't play golf. And anyone who knows their Wodehouse will know that if only one half of a couple plays golf the relationship is pretty much doomed to being ended by the entry of some beautiful young damsel who has a handicap of 18.

5) Going by the same rule, he shouldn't be a poet. Actually that's not as important as the corollary to the point; he should never ever ever accuse *me* of writing poetry. I can happily endure accusations of murder, treachery and stealing my best friend's boyfriend(s) but not even the Spanish Inquisition could get me to confess to writing poetry. Especially related to a) angst b) depression c) love d) nature umm, the list is endless. Point is I don't do poetry. And I most certainly wouldn't do a poet.

6) He shouldn't be a millionaire.Or a billionaire. They're too boring, and they attract far too many dependent and/or conniving relatives and damsels in distress and svelte model types.

7) He should be sufficiently challenged visually to insist that I look good. He should stick to this basic simple plot line irrespective of what I'm wearing. It doesn't matter if I'm in a sari and looking like it's all going to fall off any second or if I'm vibrant in red pants if the man is to be described as perfect I demand that he should be perfect at the little white lies which make a fiss so happy.

8) And since I was obviously saving the best and most important point for the last, listen in carefully. This is like the defining criterion. Points one to seven can go hang themselves but any man who doesn't fit this point is obviously not the right man for me. Basically. He should be a good, no, an excellent gardener. If he can't mange those plantations I keep planning to plant I honestly don't think it's going to work.

hmm...I actually managed eight points. Anyone who's interested, go ahead and tag yourself please. And anyone who fits the bill, hehe, you know where to find me. Or conversely if I hear of anyone who's perfect, I might just hunt him down...

29 Comments:

Blogger Tiny Black Cat said...

plantations? kisher?

and, i lurve this - "they're too boring, and they attract far too many dependent and/or conniving relatives and damsels in distress and svelte model types." kemon ekta kapoor serial-ish na?

i lurve this too - "he should be sufficiently challenged visually to insist that I look good."

actually, i lurve this entire person. pawa geley ami dekhte jabo. lol.

6:43 AM  
Blogger DD said...

kisher plantation rey? poppy seeds, cannabis, tamak? clariphy.

9:35 AM  
Blogger rainbeau_peep said...

gardener?! Like he should sow so u can reap? Bhery durty, i say.

10:19 AM  
Blogger Prerona said...

:)

3:08 PM  
Blogger Freaky Chakra said...

Oh look, u've updated! Wow, & to think i knew about it too! Knew this was going to be a good read... but abar the saree & the red pants!! :P lol!

I specially loved points 1&7 going hand in hand...hehe! Nyways, u r rite about poets. They suck! Oh & btw, u dont write poetry? Hmmm, maybe i shud stop tellin ppl that u do ... hehe

3:10 PM  
Anonymous Ph said...

COMPLETELY agree. These golf types should be banned from all lists.

7:40 PM  
Blogger Dreamcatcher said...

Gardener????????keno? u intend to hook up with a maali? not that iam demeaning a maali obv. but well slightly surprised.

12:27 AM  
Blogger Bini said...

okay, but i have to add that millionaires buy you really cool stuff for no reason at all. and they're not all boring. and i am neither a damsel in distress nor a svelte model type.

10:31 AM  
Blogger panu said...

yep.. millionaires are deffinitely in.

But the gardener bit's a bit threatening... all the plantings and buryings remind me of six feet under

6:23 PM  
Blogger babelfish said...

tiny black cat : parle dekhabo, most definitely :D

dd : no clarifications, use your imagination ;D

rainbeau : hey, don't blame me, I got it out of the bible...now you know why they say you should *know* your bible :D

preronadi : you may be smiling, but I'm still not marrying him :D

freaky chakra : aah, so now I know who's been maligning me on campus...I shall hunt you down soon :D me poetry...gah!!!

ph : tenkoo for agreeing, not too many people understand the sublime importance of this point :)

dc : eki? tumi eto class conscious?! eto snobbish?!! *shakes head sorrowfully* Never heard of the concept of ek phul, do mali? Teehee.

bini : non-millionaires also buy me cool stuff for no reason at all, which makes them even more precious to me :)
On second thought, I don't suppose a millionaire would be very boring but there are always the conniving relatives to worry about hehe.
Oh, third thought butting in, you be very svelte type and madam if you were interested in my dream man, I'd pretty much throw my hands *and hopes* in the air and move to the next planet :D

panu : keep yer millionaires, me not interested :D But seriously, planting and burying is good for an undead being like me *in case you don't know what I mean, check this out*

11:31 PM  
Blogger Dreamcatcher said...

You need a good looking myopic maali. kagoje add debo? and iam nt class conscious at all.

11:58 PM  
Blogger Casablanca said...

And though matching making and matrimonials were never a stated intention of blogging, they seemed to be a good by-product :)

Interesting list... we likey!

10:04 AM  
Blogger Ron said...

Agree with you about the promiscuity and the golf and DEFINITELY about the poetry...but no billionaries?? or millionaries? or any kind of rich men?? Are you mad? Who cares about the svelte model types? Let him have the affair, then you file for divorce on grounds of infidelity and get an obscene amount of money as alimony settlement!as for the conniving relatives...they can be shooed off!!

The promiscuity thing does not apply to rich men...not when theres truckloads of money at the end of it.

1:44 PM  
Blogger Sphinx said...

well i was gonna give into all your demands, i mean sure i can give away the millions to charities and become broke, and ofcourse, I'll do the gardening and all the other nitty gritties but the golf thing, the golf thing was taking it a bit to far, so... uhm... I'm sorry to say i'll have to break your heart. next life maybe?

:) :D

6:20 PM  
Blogger The Alluder of Alliterations said...

i can think of someone who fits the bill....

btw how do you get so many comments? you have a very popular blog.. ppl visit mine too and please forgive me for blatantly advertising on your blog

12:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Point is I don't do poetry
*rubs hands in glee* oh, the amount of blackmail material I have on you then. Of course, being your most beloved, I shall not give in to it if you give me a good reason not to.....
Also, school sucks.
And also, I need a job.
Then again, if your persuasive skills are not sufficient to deter me then I might not need the job anymore since the, um, the gifts I get from you might tide me over for life.

Addendum: Going over your last post, I noticed you managed to alienate 19 people enough that they would not vote for you. I always told you that you needed to work on that personality of yours and learn from someone better, namely me. Oh well, what's done is done.
What was the vote for? And what were you elected to?
When I see the words voting and red nowadays, it disturbs me greatly, but of course, that is in an American context. There will soon come a time when America will progressively revert back to being part of the Dark Ages, albeit with better technology. I can't wait.

ibboss

11:07 AM  
Blogger Pip Squeak said...

About the Pratchett quote..... if he really meant what he said, which i don't think he did, that's just one more reason for me to announce with gigantic speakers- Pratchett is a useless no good piece of crow droppings.

8:13 PM  
Blogger Pip Squeak said...

And one more thing, if you're suited to a handsome ball of flesh with brains the size of a peanut, you generally get what you want, i.e lesser chances of promiscuity, the intellectual types are way too promiscuous. They think intellect gives them an edge! Those useless lumps of garbage!

But of course, men will be men, and lets face it, people with vices( exclude smoking drinking etc etc) generally have predictable characteristics to go with a single vice, and promiscuity is the top of the list. You should take some Suhel Seth tips if you want to know how to cope with the problem.

But being the bungling 'psychologist' that he is, his response is all too predictable. It will probably be on the following lines-
" What're you, a saint? And lets face it, you want a handsome hunk with lots of vices, you get promiscuity as a gift voucher whether you like it or not. So get a move on dear girl, and find yourself a few alternatives as well."

I know that piece of advice sounds useless, which is why I love Suhel Seth!

8:22 PM  
Blogger Bini said...

ki ja ta bolo tumi na.
see you monday.

8:55 PM  
Blogger panu said...

tag duly checked out and commented (I really cannot resist making them, you know... its a BAD habit)

9:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Check it out http://www.friendswithoutborders.org/

4:12 AM  
Blogger herenow said...

trust u to come up with this!! lol!

7:09 PM  
Blogger Jay said...

A handsome gardener sounds mighty excellent to me too - but I'd like him to be a millionaire.

And I'm just like you. Poetry puts me right to sleep.

12:36 AM  
Blogger babelfish said...

dream catcher : nice summation :D kintu kagoje add-er kono dorkar nei!

casablanca : glad you likey-ed but but but matrimonials are nowhere on my list, biye korbo na, shudhu blog korbo :D

ron : I have a decided feeling that you don't listen to your own pragmatic side so I shall ignore all those bits about truckloads of money :D Besides I never said I planned to marry the perfect guy, so no question of alimony alas!!

sphinx : I'm booked for the next nine lives, you think we could simply complement each other in reading blogs? Although I'm nowhere near as good at commenting as you are ;D

alluder : ei! You can't just leave it at that!! Who pray can you think of that fits this bill?!!! And I do visit your blog and feel free to keep advertising yourself in my comments section, it tends to turn into a chatroom quite often :D

ibboss : darling there's far more blackmail material in the very next sentence :D Incidentally you should start a blog, or write to me more often ei random lenght-er comments are wonderful but your genius needs to be better displayed. Just a suggestion :D

pippy : One is left thinking you've simply memorized a few heavy sounding words and since you don't know their proper usage you simply end up sounding a bit of an ass. An ignorant one too. Most unimpressive. I keep getting the feeling I should raise my voice ans speak slowly and clearly else you won't understand a word of what I say given the hotch potch you make of your own sentences. Incidentally if I find one more comment regarding Pratchett which reveals your incredible stupidity I shall simply delete your comments.

bini : ami ja ta boli? ami?! *swoons in anguished despair*
**revives** See you monday :D

panu : it's an EXCELLENT habit. don't ever let anyone convince you commenting on my blog is a bad habit, I wish other people had similar bad habits :D

herenow : I shall take that as compliment. As will the universe which churned out such a sample :D

jay : the question is, do poets put you to sleep? Maybe we could share the handsome gardener, I'd let you keep the millions :D

1:23 AM  
Blogger Sphinx said...

blah. How utterly unfair. One would think by the fifth or the sixth life something might happen but nooo... madam here won't change her mind about the golf point. ah well. Anyway I better get back on my little spaceship and go abuse some1 in another planet. ;)

speaking of Pratchett, I have the entire discworld collection. All thats left to do is sit down and actually read it. :( woe is me, I don't have the time to actually do it.

10:56 AM  
Blogger Pip Squeak said...

fishy, you must have forgotten to sharpen your argumentative brain for quite some time. I didn't use a single heavy sounding word here. Forgive me if i come up with innovative if a bit offensive expressions. You have finally fallen for my trap. If you haven't realized already, I love adding salt to open wounds. Why because, for some unknown reaosn I love pissing everyone off. In your case, it is clearly working heh heh heh. Reminds me of the old days......
Forgive me but I can't help myself when there are too many proddable points in someone's personality.

8:55 PM  
Blogger Sphinx said...

lol, there are too many *proddable point* (if thats even a word) in your personality. Go see a shrink.

10:39 PM  
Blogger babelfish said...

sphinx : you're a dear :) too bad about the golf!

pippy : like I said, most unimpressive. And I'm deleting the last comment cos I'm way fonder of the sphinx than anyone will ever be of you :D

11:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why do you love Suhel Seth???

9:10 AM  

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