I seem to use this blog for nothing but cribbing. It's very sad. And anyone reading my posts would receive the distinct impression that I lead a very sad life. Which is probably true.
I mean, at least half the people I know think my life is terribly sad and I really need to reform myself. The other half seem to have given up hope. Somewhere in between are those people who valiantly insist that I'm a good girl, or a good fish, as you will.
Just the other day a friend of mine declared that not only did he firmly believe I was a nice sweet girl, but he was willing to come over and convince my parents if need be. I can do no better than to copy paste his own words...

Maybe I should go speak to your parents. And say she is a good girl. Only smokes when she's not drinking. Only drinks when she is not gambling. Only gambles when she is not doping. And only ever dopes when she's not...hehe, well you know what... Otherwise ekebare sweet bengali girl type.

Yes well, as you can see the people I know really take their duty as my friends seriously. Since my foes don't seem to be remotely interested in destroying my repustation or my life, these guys have just taken over the task.
If people who had never met me were to believe my friends they'd find themselves convinced that the babelfish smokes really really rarely...on two days in the year wonly...on the day when it rains and on the day when it doesn't!

Even so, given a choice between having a reputation and having friends, I'd still opt for the latter. It would be a gun-held-at-my-head-and-lighted-matchsticks-between-my-toes kind of decision but at least it would be a firm clear choice. What a fish wants and needs and has is fiends, I mean friends.
What a fish also happens to have is people who love her like a daughter/niece/grand-daughter/sister/ or better still mother/grand-mother/aunt although they are not even remotely related to her.

Yes well it's a complicated life. But I'm not complaining. I'm absurdly happy. For one thing I'm over being sick and I'm going to make sure I don't fall sick again in the future. For another I love it when long overdue things come to pass and prove to be better than expected. And for the last, I'm just happy.

And on that happy note I shall sign off with the merry thought that if anyone who thinks I love them is reading this they should now go away and seriously wonder if I do and if after five seconds serious thought if they still believe I do they're obviously wrong, hehe.

there are eighteen screeching women in my living room.
i think i'm going crazy.
most of them i've never seen before in my life. they've all seen me though. and they keep tabs on me, every one of them. they know when i leave my house and when i enter, i think some nights they stay awake and watch from their balconie,s even on nights when i return at 2am.
in other words they're the neighbours. and they've descended on my house to solve their problems.
the parents fishes have been playing referee.
and i've been clutching my head for the past two hours and imploring any mephistopheles who happens to be in the vicinity to take my soul in exchange for even ten minutes of peace.
oh my good sweet lord, will no one have mercy on a fish's soul.

they say trouble sires three children. the first passed through last weekend. the second was the fever which almost killed the fish over the last week and certainly had the parents palpitating in panic. this must be the third. if there's anything worse on its way i don't think i'll survive.
and whoever said man is a social animal obviously didn't have neighbours like mine.

insanely angry

Babelfish says:
arunava
Babelfish says:
two things
Babelfish says:
firstly i thought X was your friend, or rather you were X's friend
Babelfish says:
Secondly you're proving to be something of a loser, in fact i am so mad right now i would go so far as to call you a fucking loser
Babelfish says:
amend that, a fucking losing god-forsaken worthless piece of nothingnedd
Babelfish says:
nothingness
Babelfish says:
excuse the typos
Babelfish says:
and you can put this up on your blog if yu like
Babelfish says:
if you won't i will eventually
Alluder of Alliterations says:
fishy... you may consider me to be whatever you want,,, you will always be a fishy to me..
er in case you havent noticed.. i thought you were the one lecturing me not to put up convos on blogs and extolling the virtues of discretion and all that.. and look.. you are free to post whatever you want... why tell me? and believe me i have better things to blog about than this...
Alluder of Alliterations says:
and why on earth such a big deal about nothing
Alluder of Alliterations says:
??
Babelfish says:
excuse me?
Babelfish says:
big deal about nothing?
Babelfish says:
listen up, very carefully
Babelfish says:
if i blog this
Babelfish says:
i would NOT
Babelfish says:
NOTNOTNOT blog the bit abot X
Babelfish says:
i would blog the bit where i call you a worthless good-for-nothing loser
Babelfish says:
that's the bit i meant
Alluder of Alliterations says:
goahead.....
Babelfish says:
and discretion has nothing to do with that
Babelfish says:
it's my opinion or worse, it's my judgement of you
Babelfish says:
and i'm judging you out here boss
Babelfish says:
and you're failing every god damn test there ever was
Babelfish says:
im not a perfect person, in fact i'm a horrible person
Babelfish says:
but hey i'm not as bad as you it seems
Babelfish says:
what kind of fucking right do you think you have to say such things about X
Babelfish says:
who died and gave you the right to gossip about X
Babelfish says:
what the fuck
Babelfish says:
how many other people have you told this "wildly exciting piece of gossip" to
Babelfish says:
have you been hauling people up in the corridors and telling them this?
Alluder of Alliterations says:
no one else ... and it isnt wild and exciting... and no
Babelfish says:
fuck it you bastard
Babelfish says:
you have no fucking right to put things that way
Babelfish says:
HOW DARE YOU?
Babelfish says:
how dare you say something like that about X
Babelfish says:
are you stupid or what
Babelfish says:
go back and read what you wrote
Babelfish says:
read the words
Babelfish says:
if a friend of mine said something like that about me, in those words i would kill them
Babelfish says:
or at least disown them for life

that was a random conversation snippet. it's not supposed to make sense. the rest of the post is a rant. that's not going to be making sense either. sigh. this blog is getting to be too personal. then again, i'm getting too emotional these days. what to do. such is life.

*begin rant...*

If I love someone it's usually for life, and I'm as protective as hell. It doesn't matter if the person doesn't want to be protected. Maybe X wouldn't have minded such things being said about her. But you will not, not and NOT gossip about my friends in front of me. Not unless you want the police to have to drag out your body from under the JU jheel . I don't wanna be hanged for murdering someone, least of all for stabbing someone with a blunt knife fifty seven times. But there are times I would do it, and when you say something nasty about someone I love trust me you're micro-millimetres away from the land of the dead.

*end rant*
**phew**

Oh and yeah I'm probably sounding self-righteous as hell here but truth be told I'm not a perfect person; as prone to lying, bitching and being nasty as the next person in the room or you the reader. But some things I don't do. And I do not bitch about people who are my friends. If you wanna yell at me cos you've heard I bitch about you and you feel betrayed, sorry boss you're obviously not that special to me. Deal with it the way you want to but this is how I am. What random people think about me is not an issue. I care without limits for a limited number of people in the world and you watch your trap when you talk about them. Otherwise I always have my trusty blunt knife or alternatively this rant space I call my blog.

A few hours back I wasn't sure if I should be happy or if I should cry.
Because I thought things were ok, I thought we could forgive and forget and move on. And I was touched; incredibly, insanely touched that there are people who are concerned. People who aren't even family but who care enough to think about me when I'm not thinking for myself.
It kinda made me happy. And a little sad. If you know what I mean.

Now I'm just howling.
Cos I've discovered life ain't that simple. And it doesn't help that none of the people I'm howling for will ever see this space and I have no idea how to make things ok again.

I’ve just had everyone taking my trip all day. Taking. My. Trip. Again and again.
And obviously I deserved it. Also equally obviously I've been an idiot. Correction, an idjit.

This is a cross between a public apology and a private rant. That means people who don't know what this is about should not ever ask what this is about. And if the people this is about do accidentally or otherwise drop by, well, I'm trying to say I'm sorry.

I made a mistake. I know that. I wasn't thinking straight. Hell I wasn't even thinking. But it's over. Really. It won't happen again. Ever again. I don't know if I can say sorry often enough to make you forget what happened. I'd swear by everything I hold dear but swearing ain't a test of anything. I haven't given you any reason to trust me. But I need your trust. Because I love you. All of you. For caring enough to yell at me. And if you can still find it in your hearts to care for me a little I won't let you down again.
Phishy promise.

Imagine fish. Imagine dead drunk fish. Now imagine dead fish. And there Ladies and Gentlemen you have a summary of the b'fissy existence.

The fish hereby formally announces her intentions of joining a nunnery. Or, since no self-respecting nunnery would admit a self-respecting babelfish, the fish shall run away to the mountains and live a life of solitude, meditating on her sinful past. In other words, the fish is in deep trouble.

To cut a very short story even shorter, here's the jist, without the prelude.
The Father Fishy was at Oly Pub last evening.
*enter long line of beeps censoring some bloody strong language*
**whiskey tango foxtrot I say!**

First the sister comes home and does a sweep search of my computer. Then the father lands up in the one place I would never ever have expected him. Is there nothing called privacy and the sanctity of human space. And anyone who wants to interject at this point that the father has as much right to enter Oly as I do can go stuff his or her head into a dragon's orifice. This is moment of great anguish and trauma.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!