Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Ladies and gentlemen, the B'fiss returns from the her twagic state of rigor one-step-away-from-mortis-and-din'-you-wish-i-was-dead in the brightest and chirpiest of moods *so let's be nice and pretend there's a bit of wild applause and cheers here shall we!*
For one thing I've stopped throwing up, which is a wonderfully cheering thing *the stopping that is, not the throwing up*.
For another I went to college and while I only had a single class that class was superb enough in itself to make up for a week of being unwell. After today's class I re-realized why it was that Tintinda apparently declared once in all seriousness, "if he were teaching the life history of barge poles, you should still do his classes".
*And anyone who can't guess who he in this case might be, nebhar mind. Suffice to say, he is the goods or the gods, whatever tickles your fancy*
But just so you, gentle and dear reader, who-will-hopefully-still-be-with-me-at-the-end-of-this-post, get an idea of why college can make me so chirpy here's a bit of today, nice and fresh, unvarnished and ungarnished and untarnished.

*drumroll*

Presenting The Kanti...the one and hopefully the only Soumyak Kanti De Biswas. *the man at whose name even election officers who have been registering multisyllabic complicated Inidan names for decades on end stop, draw a deep breath and comment, "naam-er kono shesh nai?" ...."doesn't his name end?!"*
And this is Kanti's idea of a joke :
question : There was a girl who whenever she met her father used to push him. What was her name?
answer : Pushpa.
(non bharatiyas who fail to get the humour of this joke please do not panic, us residential jud-indians didn't find it funny either.)
*of course he also has a good one about what you'd call a blue cow with super heroic powers but the answer to that one is funny bordering on blasphemy and this-might-get-me-sued-for-libel so let's not go into such things on this 'ere public blog shall we.*

And then, there's Deep...who has been mentioned previously on this blog in a variety of distinguishing roles and special appearances but let me just clarify that he is best known among my friends at present as the man who on being invited to spend the night with some very hot women insisted he had to go home to walk his dog. Quite.
He's the same young man who this very afternoon was adressed by a young (awright dammit not-so-young) woman with the following words : "Deep, I'm seducing your best friend in the back seat of your car. Do you have nothing to say?"
To which he replied, in clipped precise tones : "Be clean."

So what happens when these two sterling (if somewhat junior) specimens of JUDE meet...

scene, three months back, around the table at monida's canteen :

The object of attention being a half skull *borrowed incidentally from the back seat seducee of this afternoon, not that it's of any importance or anyone notices trivial details or it's even grammatically correct as a sentence but whatever*

The question being, what should this skull, which was due to make a special appearance in a play, to be called.

A variety of names were proposed. Bush it seemed, was a favorite. *though why people insisted that an evidently brain-less skull with a demonic grin and no normal human emotions apparent in its ivory visage should resemble George Bush might, of course, elude the average majority of American voters.*

But the selection of names after a point gave way to the more interesting debate of whether the skull, had been that of a man or a woman. The majority of those present said it must have been a man (the cranial space was rather small you see) but Kanti single-mindedly and vehemently stuck to his guns and insisted it was the skull of a woman.
Whereupon Deep burst out with, *in the most pedantic finger wagging style you can imagine* "The reason Kanti insists it's a woman is because he finds in this skull the objective correlative of his frustrated psycho-sexual desires."
*whereupon the rest of the people looked left and right and vacated the premises hastily*

scene, today, at a similar table in the same place.

Kanti having delivered a series of *and since we know that he too blogs and might someday find this post, let us be polite* wonderful jokes starts with : "what did the big black man say to the tiny white man?"
*for the rest of the exchange imagine if you will Sidharth Basu firing questions at an extremely nervous mastermind participant who is pretending to be confident*
Deep : "where did they meet?"
Kanti : "Delhi"
Deep : "which year?"
Kanti : "1985, incidentally you don't get it..."
Deep : "why did they meet?"
Kanti : "no, see. The big black man was in a car and he was passing by the tiny white man and the question is what did the big black man say to the tiny white man?"
Deep : "what car was it?"
Kanti *barely noticable sigh* : "Bentley"
Deep : "which year"
Kanti : "1982"
Me : *for lack of anything better to do* "what was a 1982 bentley doing in delhi in 1985?"
*Kanti recognizing the question for the meaningless piffle that it is shrugs it off with great discernment*
Deep : "you chauvanist. why were they both men? why are you discriminating against the female gender, why was it not a big black woman"
Sweet Fresher : "why wasn't one of them a transvestite, you can't be discriminatory."
Other Sweet Fresher : "was the driver a woman?"
Confused Outsider : "was the driver a transvestite?"
Someone Inbetween : "why was the black man big and the white man tiny?"
Me : "what colour was the bentley?"
Kanti *recognizing with true discretion the value of the question* : "black"
Me : "but you said yellow"
*I was just being mean and trying to confuse him, oh ye already possibly confused reader, the issue of colour hadn't come up then*
Kanti *trying to pull off smart politicial backtrack* : "oh, in that case yellow"
Me *trying to pull off smarter journalistic one-track type questioning*: "are you sure you mean yellow or do you mean black?"
Another Outsider *simply trying to be smart* : "it was a yellow bentley being used as a taxi"
Kanti : "can I just finish my joke?"
all, lean back in evident anticipation....
Kanti : "so-o-o...what did the big black man sitting in a yellow bentley of 1982, say to the tiny white man when he crossed him on the road in delhi in 1985?"
all, lean forward in anticipation....
Kanti : "hi."

Ladies and gentlemen, drumroll again, I leave you with JUDE.

16 Comments:

Blogger Casablanca said...

Inane conversations rule!! More, we want more!

9:23 AM  
Blogger Dreamcatcher said...

Hi.
LOL. I actually laughed out loud.

9:52 AM  
Blogger Ron said...

What a very fascinating place JUDE seems to be! You my dear, have just succeeded in doing something a lot of people have been trying to do since Monday...make me laugh and cheer up and stop frowning and sulking andsnapping at people. Hah! No wonder you are feeling chirpy...I feel positively chirpy too :D

11:53 AM  
Blogger Sphinx said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! u guys have wayyy too much time. Anyway, fishy, i dedicated a quick line to you in my blog thingy. do check it out when you are free.

5:54 PM  
Blogger "sen"sational said...

adg.....adg......adg.....adg....isn't it?isn't it? isn't it?....sigh.....

10:35 PM  
Blogger karuna said...

LOL!
That was fun, nice to see your better and in a better mood too :)

3:34 PM  
Blogger Shobhik said...

I feel sorry for my namesake... it seems oldskool jokes don't go very well in JU...

7:31 PM  
Blogger Tiny Black Cat said...

gawd, this was soooo much fun! i envy all you people at jude. i do, i do. i almost hate you, even.

10:50 PM  
Blogger panu said...

baba... trannies in bent-e-lies???? Its like Pepsi Cafechino... all the hype that its *kinky* ... and you take a huuuge slug and end up spluttering as VANILLA COKE returns after all these times tasting just as stale as the day Coke sold the lot to Pepsi... *wry twist of mouth in a severely Mills and Boonish heroine sort of a way*

Regards,
Panu

P.S. Glad to see you back in order, bargepoles or baansh...

11:15 PM  
Blogger Soumik said...

ah! such a wonderful post! and such wonderful a pace we belong to!

but a blue cow with supernatural powers?

11:22 PM  
Blogger Srin said...

You're supposed to post once a day everyday. Ki hochhe, huh? Where are the posts that were promised?

11:47 PM  
Blogger Deep said...

Soumik, Neil Gaiman, of course.

12:50 AM  
Blogger babelfish said...

casablanca : hehe! Glad you liked it but you might have to wait a bit for the next installment, these people also go into sudden silent phases :)

dreamcatcher : such a nice laugh you have too...I was rolling on milonda-r canteen-er floor when it all happened :D

ron : awww!! You is the too sweet and flattering :)

sphinx : you're the nicest :)

"sen"sational : I've been sighing for three and a half years but here goes again *sigh*

karuna : thanks girl :)

shobhik : oh, but please don't feel sorry for him; we all had a perfectly lovely time and loved him a little more for making us laugh :)

tiny black cat : drop into ju, anytime dear. open invitation for you, but it's not always this fun or funny, I warn you :D

panu : what's with the regards? letter-writing-er course niyechhish naki? tahole bhalobasha rekhe jash, I don't like people regarding me :D

soumik : *bows* thank you for the compliments to the post and to the place where we belong :D

srin : *sigh* as promised above :D

deep : spoilsport, but now you'll get the hate mail I hope from people who think such jokes are blasphemy :D

11:26 AM  
Blogger panu said...

tojjonno... LUURVVVV!!!

*and this phanciful pheaary leabhes kisses behaiind*

3:56 PM  
Blogger babelfish said...

panu : bherry phanciful I see :D

11:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nice idea with this site its better than most of the rubbish I come across.
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11:28 AM  

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