Sunday, February 12, 2006

post phone prattle

There are moments, when I sincerely wonder why it is that I am friends with the people I'm friends with. This will not be a contemplative post on friendship and such like things. Anyone who's hanging around reading this blog in hopes of philosophical musings, uh sorry we don't do such things; kinda short supply of brains and sentiments out here. Unless I'm drunk or doped out, in which case there's likely to be no coherence. Sad toss up that. But, to return to the point of the post. This post is about the last post. Vaguely. It's an almost verbatim transcript of the bfiss and cassmortmain on the phone this morning. I've left out the not-interesting-to-the-general-public bits of course, hi-falutin stuff about personal oracles and not aantel stuff about the men on whose brothers women have crushes, but these snippets had to be recorded.

cassy : I don't see what you've gone on about. Kunal Kapoor's handome.

me :
*silent gasp*

cassy
(not noticing stunned silence on other end of the line) : Oh, Abhishek Bachhan's getting married. I'm so heart-broken!!

me :
*gasp, gasp, shudder* What on earth! Why?!

cassy :
Oh, but he's so handsome.

me
(in the original UI style) : whaaaaaaaaaaaat?

cassy :
What? Well, ok, maybe he's not handsome but he's hot. And Kunal Kapoor is handsome

me :
What? What. The. No, he's not. Kunal Kapoor is not even hot.

cassy (stern voice of retribution) : Do you even know who Kunal Kapoor is?

me (after a hasty revision of memory, coming back all snooty voiced) : Of corse I do. He's that random guy from Rang De Basanti that random females drools over. Hah! He's not hot. Wait, I have my comp on, lemme google.

*One search later, I come up with this and return anguished to the phone*

me : Cassandra, he's greasy!

cassy : So? Just because he's greasy in Rang De Basanti doesn't mean he's greasy in real life.

me : He's greasy in the damn photograph!

cassy : Well, everyone's greasy in photographs. You think we're not?

me : (swearing under my breath...you certainly aren't woman!!) I may be, but I'm not an actor. He's greasy. And Cassy if you're going to moan about Abhishek Bachhan getting married I'm going to have to disown you.

cassy : oof, ki aantel snobbery. People don't disown friends just because they find other men hot. Besides I don't know who you are to say anything. (unbelievably accusing voice) You find Sean Connery hot.

me : *aggrieved gasp* But he is!

cassy : *verbal shrug* No he's not. And you think what's-his-name is good-looking.
(cassy, since you're reading this, I'm not accusing you of ever forgetting whatzzisname's name but let us be the discreet).

me : But he is!

cassy : *silent giggle* Whatever. But Sean Connery's not hot, he's annoying.

me : *gasp, stutter, double gasp*

cassy : And he hasn't made any decent movies recently. Have you seen Avengers? god. And he was the worst James Bond ever. He had a lisp.

me : *strangulated whisper* It wasn't a lisp. He's Shcottish.

cassy (returning to her unjustified stern voice of retribution) : Ewan McGregor's Scottish. Have you heard him speak? Sean Connery just needs speech therapy. (sound of b'fiss almost fainting) Double o sheven on hish majheshty'z shecret shervice, how ridiculous.

*At this point the mother wanders innocently into the room. All this while I've been stuttering speechless in the face of such blasphemy on behalf of best bud. Helpless I now turn with an anguished cry to the mother.*

me : Ma, I give you Sean Connery.

ma : eh? *silly grin instantly in place*

me : na mane, I didn't mean give give but the way presenters on shows do; presenting Sean Connery. What would you say to that?

*mother with pile of clothes in arms stands there gazing into distance looking faintly bemused but with a very definite silly grin on face...incidentally the women in my family are a bit like that, confront us suddenly with people we adore and overtly handsome men and we grin and look silly...but I digress, let us leave mother standing there and return to the phone*

cassy : At least that other guy you go on about is ok, what's 'is name...Yul Brynner.

*by now I'm beyond gasping. imagine fish, if you will, lying in desert, flailing tail against the terrible sandstorm and going "water, somebody get me water or at least a picture of sean connery". still this one was too much to endure*

me : What d'ya mean he's ok? He's god. Dead god but god. Immortally handsome god too.
(Incidentally I could go on about this forever but I won't. Let's just say, Yul Brynner is beyond handsome the limits of mortal fantasy. And the reason I'm not going on about this is because it would amount to perverted necrophilia of sorts. Let's just say the reason I like the thought of dying is because my heaven will have the King.)

cassy : Yes, yes; but Sean Connery I find insufferable. I tell you he needs speech therapy.

me : How dare you? Speech therapy. I ask you, speech therapy?! The man is god, you hear me. Sean Connery is bloody unforgivably handsome; he does not and I repeat he doesh not need shpeech therapy!!

*ma at this point gathers upshot of conversation and puts her silly grin on hold to say, ki bollo? speech therapy bollo? ki oshobhyo!*
(Fortunately cassandra's other manifold virtues pulled her through but for one precarious moment there I thought she'd really fallen headlong down the mother's popularity charts, for life..the mother of the fiss tends to be a bit unforgiving about these things!)
*but the mother merely sighed, shook her head evidently much aggrieved at the revelation of these unsuspected, unexpected flaws in miss mortmain's otherwise spotless-as-an-undertaker-inner-vest character and returned to her work.*

*sigh* I leave you dear reader to draw your conclusions.
Just one last clarification in small print. Irrespective of whether right now I'm mad enough at cassy to almost disown her, gentle reader, anyone speaking one word against her is likely to be found at the bottom of the ju jheel stabbed sixty five times with a very sharp kitchen knife. hehe.

26 Comments:

Blogger cass said...

oi!you left out my favourite quote of the morning!!what you actually said was
b'fiss-i give you sean connery!!
me-i'd give him back.


ps-i never said he was the worst james bond,i just said he wasnt the best.

:)

5:07 PM  
Blogger "sen"sational said...

well.......b'fiss....don't u think that 'beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder' is a very appropriate proverb here??

6:50 PM  
Anonymous disktop said...

ummm, I think sean connery is hot, but your adulation is like those silly girls, who in this city wander around with bouquets of teddybears. :-D

7:01 PM  
Blogger Bini said...

sean connery never did much for me, although whatzizname would i'm sure. yul brynner's quite a catch, although my necrophilia is for the jeff buckley/james dean types. predictable, yes, but they were hot.

10:54 PM  
Blogger babelfish said...

cassy : *sigh* and I'd take him right back if he was mine to give!

"sen"sational : thou hast a point, I think I shall now shut up on the topic of beauty :)

disktop : uh, sweetheart, I told you what a collection of teddy bears would be called right? Not a bouquet, a hug. And here's one for you, gratis :D

bini : they were hot, I agree. *woof* But umm I don't think you know the whatzizname cassy and I were talking about...hehe

11:47 PM  
Blogger Freaky Chakra said...

well, altho these are slightly unfamiliar waters for me... but i do dare say Kunal is handsome ;)

& nevermind that greasy photo!! :)

4:35 AM  
Blogger Bini said...

but the kunal dude is so generically bollywood. looks like an abhraham wannabe.

9:59 AM  
Blogger bilu said...

Who is kunal whateverhisnameis? anyway, just checked your blog out. Don't you just love scandals???

11:07 PM  
Blogger Freaky Chakra said...

@bini: NO, he is NOT!! really wen u look at salman khan... that's bollywood.

& John Abhrahim? really? wow!

3:06 AM  
Blogger Ron said...

Yul Brynner ooooooooh!!! The only bald man Im ever likely to droool over.Oooooooooooh!!

Although..you know Kunal Kapoor is really quite handsome. Little greasy in RDB I agree, but handsome nevertheless!!

12:38 PM  
Blogger Sphinx said...

HAHA... you girls should start playing with barbies now...

4:11 PM  
Blogger Deepali said...

The only good thing about John Abraham is his bike featured in Dhoom. OoOoOoO la la !

10:05 PM  
Blogger "sen"sational said...

@dee.......NOOOOOOOOO john abraham is very very very very handsome...(much more good looking than his bike....though i must admit the bike was very sexy)

@bilu - did u just drop in for tea from mars??? u don't know who kunal kapoor is??? especially as now almost the entire blog fraternity is going on and on abt rdb and stuff....

p.s. rdb rocks btw

11:21 PM  
Blogger rainbeau_peep said...

Listen, i hope u know i'm having abhishek bachchan's illegitimate child. So there had better not be ONE word spoken or written against him and that gorgeous mug and delectable tush of his.

12:17 AM  
Blogger Deepali said...

:O RB :O :O you-you YOU are the third person in our story *sniffles*
*throw in some hindi dialogue that must be cliched and dramatic followed by arm raising screeching voice declaration of nahinnnnnnnn*

Actually I don't want his children lest he give 'em to me and get on his way you know,
the whole "im leaving my nishani with you" deal

and "sen"sational hey so what if we didn't agree on his looks, atleast he has good taste [in bikes] =D

12:31 AM  
Blogger Casablanca said...

Yup yup, too much hype about Kunal Kapoor. But what to do, I'm a sucker for desi men ;)
And did someone in your comment space say that John Abraham isnt sexy?? Blasphemy!

PS: Sean Connery is wow! But... but... ermm... well... isnt he, kind of, you know... OLD?
*runnning away covering my head*

8:36 AM  
Blogger monku said...

sean connery has class..you cant ignore the guy..i agree with u,fiss.

12:05 AM  
Blogger panu said...

I agree about You Brynner... Did'nt you just looove him in THE KING & I??? I did. Stayed up late to see him on TNT(now those dehumanized cartoons come up on that slot) and really really loved him when he said"et cetera, et cetera, et cetera"... Chow Yan Fat did not even come close in Anna and the King.

Am completely for Fishy right now... though I am DEFINITELY NOT against kitch-- er.. Cassmortmain. Nope. Never was. Erm.. must leave.. loads of stuff to do.

Ta Ta

Panu

1:45 AM  
Blogger Sandip Chaudhuri said...

:lol:

Surfing blogs is so much fun.
I have no idea how i turned up here but i agree with ok some of you ladies in a different vein. While i cannot find Sean Connery hot but he was definately among the best Bonds ever and is too cool for words. But then personally i lake sauve actors.

Yul Brynner id GOD. i will always remember him in 'The Magnificent Seven' one of the high points in my childhood. The 'King and I' however brooks no comparison. I bought the Dvd as soon as i could.

6:05 PM  
Blogger satchisgod said...

Na boley paarlum naa...all of Connery's movies that I've watched are him in a dadu-type role...Name of the rose, Entrapment, Indy Jones & Last Crusade, Gt Train Robbery, Untouchables...yada yada...

Tai, maaney, age difference boleo ekta jinish aachey naa ki rey baba?

On the contary, Brosnan is like at least kaku types?...plus, I'd find it hard to believe females not drooling over him...Golden Eye was soooooo effing cool! Maaney, I think Brosnan was the best Bond ever...he bloody looks super-sharp...

11:21 PM  
Blogger Srin said...

Abar erom korcho? Keno erom koro? Emni korle? Post korle na everyday? Chholonar asroy nile?

9:53 AM  
Blogger herenow said...

umnnnn....no comments....!
(atleast id refrain after all these)

4:50 PM  
Blogger panu said...

EEPS!! the Spelling of YUL was wrong in the prebhiaas comment of myn.

*wanders away thinking about a certain comment she's made this morning about a certain fish's cleavage*

11:11 PM  
Blogger Rimi said...

what are you waiting for, love? my comment? okay, here it is. now POSTTTT!!! or i swear i'll edit my post and tag you!

12:27 AM  
Blogger babelfish said...

bilu : umm..scandals? *weak grin* depends on what sort and whether I'm involved! But do keep checking my blog out, new and hopefully impressionable visitors are always welcome. And I shall try and keep my blog scandalous to the extreme :D

bini, freaky chakra, sensational, dee : you were having quite an interesting exchange out there, I shall keep my comments out of it :D

ron : see, I have good taste!!! Basically. Ki rom hothath disaiful hoye jao, bujhe pai na! *fissy pout*

sphinx : barbies? huh?! but wouldn't girls prefer real men to plastic toys?

rainbeau : boss, illegitimate toh? tahole aroi bolbo! bolbo he is the alec to your tess and delectable tush be damned!

casablanca : you need to cover more than just your head, you be likely to be bombarded from all sides!! OLD is not a word which exists in my dictionary, GOD is a better word I'd suggest :D

monku : you have good taste girl *approving nod* :D

sandip : yul brynner is god, completely, I agree. hope you keep visiting since we agree so well :D

satchisgod : chheeeeeee! Brosnan was best bond?!! e ki bolle???!!! And na age difference bole kichhu nei, at seventy plus Connery is still hotter than Bond *hmph*

srin : sorrryyy! kaan dhore uthbosh korbo na toh tai post korlam :D

herenow : shmart girl!

panu : boss, chokh dekha. fiss is immoderately embarrassed to be discussing such things on public blogs *weak grin*

rimi : hehe, you got in one dahling..see now I have put up post like good girl *bats eyelashes fervently*

11:42 AM  
Blogger Komal Mehta said...

hey was blog hopping....
what a wonderful read...
makes me miss the 'cassiy' in my life who is now on an other continent...
keep smiling;
komal

4:06 PM  

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